The only way to see the keyhole is to step back to see the big picture. When up close, it’s all a blur, there’s too much tension. Whenever we TALK, we’re so pulled in, well I am at least that I forget to look at the big picture here. “Doesn’t matter. We’re done talking now I guess.” Talking doesn’t help and does help at the same time because of the subtle emotions that are dropped for each word that are said. Who knows? Maybe when you’re 24. HAH! Such a long time, and it’s a maybe too. There are times when talking to you makes my day, and times when talking to you ruins my week. You’re right, there’s nothing really great about you, you even compared yourself to my ex boyfriends. How you were talking about their talents and stuff. Well you guys are all nerdy and funny, but those traits are what makes men attractive for me. But for some reason, I stopped caring about anything when I found out that you like me. Yes I have liked other people before while being on a relationship, but those were more like an adoration or an inspiration. I don’t know what you did to me to make me like you this bad, it was worse before.
I was scanning through our arhives on Facebook. Well it didn’t really show our first conversation, but apparently we’ve only known each other for like six or seven months. It feels shorter than that actually, a lot shorter than that. Our first conversation was so memorable I even stayed up late just to waste time with you. You asked for my number, we talked and talked and talked. And after a few days or maybe a week, I already told you that I like you. I mean like what the hell, right? We met on Facebook, made conversations through text. You may have been a robot or something since your default pictures weren’t pictures of you. So I was like, uhh this ain’t right man, I’m gonna have to cut this shit out before it ruins my relationship with Tyrel. Weeks or maybe months passed, I decided to “not like you”, we started talking again…and man, I was hella boring you. So we didn’t talk again for weeks or months, then we started talking again…and man, you were boring me. So we quit talking again. Until something then a akhfdkghdkfh so we were like akhkdhfdkhg and then that one night it was akjhfdkhdkhg, and then you started akhdskjhf, so I was like kjshsjhfhd. You ignored me, I ignored you, but we still keep doing the same things over and over. Why do we have to limit what we do, too much?
Man, I love you. It’s a strong word, I know. Maybe I don’t really love you, maybe I do. All I know is that I can’t live a day without a single thought of you. Maybe I can, but I always choose not to. You’re a bitch for making me feel this way, then leaving me in the air like that, then coming back, then making me wait, then backing off from waiting, then making me hope again, then saying no, then saying maybe. I’m tired.
So exhausted, and yet still trying. Fuck.
